nirukti

I am 
nobody's daughter, nobody's 
sister and nobody's mother. 

In 
the flood of all destruction,  
I am 
the one thing that 
survives; while man's ego 
suckles its own thumb. 

I am 
without beginning 
or end, I am 
without body 
or form, I am 

the ultimate truth.

filter pages of pain through my limpid fingers,
lilting tunes toss them far away,
words of hurt used shimmer on memory banks,
but now, like the receding tide
worlds merged and colours
pores of want and longing
You don’t exist in my dreams anymore;
You are here, as true as the thoughts in my head
are my own.

interlude

my patience with words so
feeble, so little while my fingers long;
to tap those elusive strings of your.
furtive stirrings of my.
heart
feet; your
fingers
tracing permanent memories on my.
skin so perfect under the
caress of your.
thought.

secret hell.

To dissolve into unyielding nothingness
is not difficult.
all you need,
is a heart that doesn't feel,
senses that do not perceive;
a being that negates its own existence,
by the virtue of not wanting to exist.
a soul that is faithless,
faith that is baseless;

spirit smothered in the mundane duet of time and survival.

special, forever.

i will not 

celebrate today, today is not 

the one; because 

if i did,

what will i do

with tomorrow,

and the day after,

and many more to come?

i will not 

celebrate today, today is not 

the only one. 

funhouse

this trapeze act 

does not draw curtains;

it cuts its own ropes

to approving applause

they sang

Glimmer

fear the smile
fear the smile
fear the smile

the buried malevolent grin's only reflection is the soft curve of the upper lip.

and i smile

tiny snatched 

pockets of time

threaten to drown

an entire year 

of words 

and thoughts 

and memories

of songs

and lists

and fantasies 

so maybe

i'll let them.

haiku.

like dental floss 

stuck in your teeth,

truth-the inextricable bother.

you were the victim of my extinct ghosts, and I, of memories lost.

and now I'm learning.
to reason; to see.
and I will get there,
soon
soon
soon enough, my
friend, wait for me.

for now, for me

for now, just realisation;
acceptance follows behind.
tomorrow
trapped in silent pages
twisted thoughts today unwind.
conversation
round the corner lingers,
solution plays hard to find.
for now, just realisation;
acceptance follows behind.

familiar

they still make me smile,
love, even though i dont;
you dont. maybe
its because i've,
forgotten all the
hurt. or maybe
its because i've,
forgiven what was
base. or maybe
its because i'm.
just downright stupid.


but you know better
than most 
don't you,
that none of those three
are true.
that it is because,
during all the hurt,
you just stopped 
being you.

tonight i know i cannot sleep; words, just words, offer no release.

I,

live life break mind close eyes laugh lies

sew hope lay claim heal self stay out
I,

dance true play nice love scorn rule high

care less want all buy time sow doubt
I,

dye dream slip not feel right know more

take turn write mess blot own choke shout
I,

leave sense force thought fail faith find shore

add note make chance tie down lose count

error detection and Correction.

you'd listen you say;

and the right thing to do 

would be to start; but then

im afraid i wont be 

able to stop, and then 

at some point, you'd 

start defending yourself; and that 

would just make me wrong, 

by default; now that

just wouldnt be right, 

would it.

yeah, i thought so. good 

night.

image courtesy maggie fitts

reason

My silence,

your words

to break;

to fuel,

My faith;

to break,

my hope;

to break,
      my self.

deep down

in indigo skies
the dying moon fades;
and as music dies,
all disappear;
into stoic nothingness.

sweet life

happy is when,
seven hours later,
you still have
a million
things to say;


and when
a smile
is all it'll take;
to say it all,
for now.

blue dusk

though i know 

you'd want to,
steal the colour of the skies;

i would still,
frankly so,
gladly keep my Indigo.

enamel timekeeper

Dipping amber trains 

crimson, over green;

Lends ephemeral shine. 

leaves murky brown

in place of, vivid 

erstwhile-chartreuse.  

blue butterflies sleep, 

while pink moths resist; 

the call of the late black. 

I, hue less wait, stoic as ever, in gray 

twilight. prenominal light of the dawn

life spectrum

a single strand of light
falls broken.
on my hand, a million pieces.
and yet,
when i walk away,
its whole again.


the warmth i can sense,
it skims
so gently on my skin;
and yet,
when i draw away,
its cold again.

around me,
everything i see,
is real. or is it;

if its the light,
that makes it so?
tell me...
don't you know?